A Spec in Time Series

I never know what to expect in life with the exception that it is usually not what I dreamt of, or hoped for. I may be a bit pessimistic or jaded; that is what others say. It is more that I am just a realist for the most part. No one’s life goes as they dreamed it would.

I trust people “not to do ….” whatever they say they are going to do. I expect failure in myself and others. Forgetfulness; to not be valued; to be fucked over one way or another. “You bring this on yourself with your negative thinking” is something I have heard. Keeping your expectations low, however, helps keep disappointment to a minimum. If something does go as hoped or even unexpectedly well in my life it is much easier to soak it up and enjoy it. For example I sold more books in the first month than I expected. (by doing next to nothing)

If you are lucky you get some time where it is two steps forward and one step back. You can plan and make lists all you want, but unless it is imperative to someone else, chances are it will be put off until tomorrow. There is always something more important than what you would enjoy doing. Writing is even put off by the dog insisting on going for a hike. Like now. — This blog is even an excuse for not working on the next book.

In the event of things going well: there are shoes dropping from the sky that you must dodge; a tablecloth pulled out, spilling soup all over your brand new white shirt. It is always this way. Seems we are never really allowed to revel in the good stuff for too long. My book was released on the day I was rushed to a dental chair because a tooth cracked. An appointment in which I contracted COVID, ended up delaying the needed surgery for nearly 3 weeks. One tooth turned into three, and on, and on.

I had a week of great intentions. It was just some oral surgery… I could sit and write for days as I recovered. Well, at least my expectations are naturally low. I had already started a clean Docx, knowing that I would be just writing ideas because the drugs would make most of it crap. Instead, I cried, slept, and watched the credits roll on not one, but two video games.

SB: if you are working, or thinking about working in, a hospice care situation, I highly suggest playing Spiritfarer.

If I was, to be honest with myself; I had no idea how much pain I would be in or how many drugs I would be on. Still in pain a week later I am finally getting back to the book(s) by putting in notes where they belong in the story. Maybe I can salvage a little bit of hope.

Robert Burns: “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”