A Spec in Time Series

Step 1: I admit that I am powerless over the cheap chicken in the meat case. So much so, that my life and those around me have become unmanageable.

Step 2: I have come to believe that a power greater than ourselves known as beef or pork or even vegetables could restore me to sanity.

Step 3: I will make a decision to turn over a new leaf; to the care of the freezer in the basement, as I have now understood, is full of chicken bounty.

Step 4: I will make a searching and fearless moral inventory of the chicken in our freezer for the apocalypse, to understand its power over me.

Step 5: Admitting to myself, and to another human being, and at least one chicken, the exact nature of my wrongs.

Step 6: Where as I am entirely ready to have chicken removed and eaten from the basement freezer before it suffers all defects of edible character due to freezer burn.

Step 7: I humbly asked the great chicken to remove my compulsion and shortcomings of over stuffing the freezer with chicken, as the electricity may suddenly vanish due to zombies.

Step 8: Making a list of all chickens harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9: I will also make direct amends to such chickens wherever possible, especially when to do so would injure them or others.

Step 10: I will continued to take personal inventory of all chicken in the freezer and refrigerator, as to not put more chicken into my cart when shopping, When I am wrong, promptly admitted it and returning it to the meat case.

Step 11: I have sought through dinning and meditation to improve the conscious contact with the great chicken, as we understand Him. Praying only for knowledge of his will for us, and the power over carry out meals of chicken.

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, I will try to carry this message to chick-a-holics, and to practice these principles in all of my shopping.

I wrote this for a friend many years ago, he asked for a copy of it and I realized that I still found it funny. Hope you enjoyed it too.