November 2026 Blog

It still seems like MS 365 is trying to take over my computer. I just don’t know how to stop the bastard. It seems useless. It is an ongoing battle; I guess we all need one. Personal battles seem to be about my health. I can not stop getting sick. Yet another cold. This one isn’t as bad as the pneumonia, but it must be part of delayed recovery from a head cold. The stress of painting the house hasn’t helped either. I still have a door on sawhorses drying in the shade. Nothing like watching paint dry.

The elections are getting close; please get out and vote.

Writing has been slow; I’m trying to figure out my lack of motivation. It feels like there is always something more important that must get done. Something new I need to learn. Even more now, since getting sick took me out of a weekend continuing education class, I have to do two more classes… nope: three. Like it never ends. I’m upset by all of this and quite depressed. My ethics class was rejected because it was about ethics dealing with AIDS/HIV … like that would be any different from any other situation. I’ve had it with so many things. Including the fallen leaf that I now must now go and remove from the paint on the door…back…The paint seems to be drying; it didn’t stick as the last one did.

It’s difficult to stay focused on anything when your head isn’t in the game and/or full of snot. You’re being pulled from all sides. Health issues are always in play for everyone. Money issues are the same; we have to make money to sit on our ass and write. So we watch paint dry (because no one else will paint it) and try to finish a blog. I have done a lot with the editing and reposting of the second book; I should not beat myself up. It’s just easy to do. No motivational phrase really gets you over self-destructive behaviors like self-loathing. No matter what any shrink you pay to tell you, it does. So sometimes you just need to get it out of the system so that the writing can happen.

I couldn’t even put up any Halloween decorations this year. Painting, waiting on an arborist, classes, head cold. See, I have nothing but downer bitching to do this month. I feel guilty for doing things; I feel guilty for not doing things. I have a whole lot of fuck yous for the world and everything and everyone. I’m sorry I am not up to your standards. I’m sorry I don’t give a shit about what you think I should or shouldn’t be doing. I’m inadequate at my core; I will never be good enough, no matter how hard I try. How long does paint have to dry before you can turn over a door? No one ever tells you these things. The world sets us up to fail.

See, that is how we move out shit in my world. Get it all out, safely. Kill no one. Hurt only yourself. Oops, still slipping; oh well.

I have a whole journal full of notes to add to book three; that will stimulate my neurons and get me rolling. It always does. I also just found a button that said log off…. I hit it; perhaps that will teach MS365 a lesson.

I’ll take my scattered head back to bed now. Good day.